Part 3
I had a lot of stuff
I hadn’t told anyone, coming from two years of hurt and darkness. One of our
first assignments was to write our testimony and present it to our Family
Group. Now I knew that for my time in England to be fully useful, I would have
to share and be open so I could grow. My roommates made all that just a little
bit easier, especially on one day where we all shared our testimonies with each
other for practice.
Something I learned
that day was that all those things about ourselves that we hide, in fear of
being seen as different or just too broken, are, first of all, ridiculously
common in everyone. Because I had always hid all my problems inside where no
one could see, I felt that my problems were rare and so, un-healable. But when
I opened up to others, I saw that others had the same hurts and I was in no way
alone in my struggles. And that was such a great comfort, bringing hope and the
impossible possibility of healing.
Secondly, just the
very act of bringing those hurts and struggles into the light where others can
see them took away the power of those hurts. Sharing me, my entire self,
brokenness and all was so utterly freeing and the chains those hurts had placed
on me broke. If you bring your darkness into the light, it weakens and loses
its hold over you. After being such a solitary person, this was one of the
first good things about community that I learned and it made me want to
continue being in community.
Part 4
I think one of my
all-time favourite things about Capernwray was the Loop. It was a path that
looped all around the countryside, going by pond and a river and numerous
fields with sheep in them. I first explored the Loop with my roommates on one
of the first days but later on I started a habit of walking the Loop right after
lunch. It was my alone time, where I could just talk with God, listen to music,
and sometimes I brought a notebook along to write poems. I’d vigorously walk
the whole thing or sit by the river or the pond and just….be. Our days at
Capernwray were packed with lectures, duties and socializing, which were all
wonderful. But to balance all that out, I had about an hour or so of just being,
out in nature with God.
My walk became so
important to me, time away from people. I’ve always heard God better when I’ve
been out in nature simply because it’s easier to hear and see Him in what He’s
made and the English countryside was perfect. A good many poems were inspired
by my walk and it also gave me time to process all the things I was learning in
lectures. The lesson I learned from my walk was actually taught by one of our
lecturers.
He told a story about
a relative of his who had a chair. Every morning, this relative sat in that
chair with his Bible and a pen in hand and sat with God for an hour. Every
morning. That chair was special, marked as a sacred space for just him and God.
The lecturer concluded with the question “What is your chair?” My “chair” was
my walk on the Loop every day and since being back, I realize I need to consciously
find a new “chair” and keep up a routine, because hanging out with God is not
something you can just do in a few minutes.
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