Grace

The darkness was dotted with many stars,

Some small, some large but all shining,

Reaching slivers of connection and unique voice.

We, the stars, grew to orbit the darkness,

Spheres overlapping, light joining for a time

Before the tide moved us forward again.

You shone with kindness, a compliment

And a gentle smile made of contentment,

A fire to warm and inspire sparks of motion.

For brief moments, we impacted each other

But a flicker, a gust of cold wind

And you were Not, lost to this dimension.

But whispers came to my wandering light

Of a place named Day, a light called Sun

That created our cores and allotted our time.

You are safe in the sun’s sweet beams

And I orbit on, forgetting as I sleep

But I smile in the dark; you are home.

After Atiloquence

Time has unraveled as undisturbed borders alter shape

Without source, unquestioned by primordial trees,

For they merely observe from their safe eugeria.

But I dwell in alterity, aliferous without a sky

Or dreams to bring alleviation…so sleep is desolate

And I suspend in the achorontic expanse of glassy stars.

All my atiloquence falls lifeless to the lurid land

And in a swift sweep, my kilderkin is revealed,

Possible once this crystalline sphere has deliquesced,

So I flex my abandoned wings and linger awhile more. 

Achor Redeemed

(The last two months have been crazy and definitely hard, though we had fun amidst the hardship. This is an inspired piece based on the last two months.)

  The gentle breeze caressed her face and playfully danced with her as she talked to the grove. It was a comforting place, a haven from the eternal storms that raged beyond the trees of safety. Hair dripping wet and clothing in disarray, she felt peaceful as the warm breeze dried her, causing her hair to form into ringlets. A light blue blanket was spread out on the grass and she sat down gratefully. A pair of doves flew past her and a hind bounded through the grove, delicate feet nimble and sure.

 The girl stood up and ran to the newcomer, who took her in His arms. “Little one.” His voice was audible love and she knew His gentle smile was on His face. They sat on the blanket, facing one another, silently enjoying each other’s presence for a time. Meanwhile, a lion cub and a lamb, which had been playing together nearby, ran over to rest at His side.

 The girl finally spoke, glancing at the faded scars on her pale arms. “I still can’t thank You enough for what You’ve done, especially in the last two years. The valley was so dark and I stumbled so often but the way You picked me up and transformed me…” she found no more words and fell into contented silence. He took her hands and held them tightly before His eyes grew sad. “My child, you once begged for reconciliation among the others and I have plans for them. And those plans involve you and an even deeper valley.”

 She sat very still, thoughts clambering within the confines of her mind, though she let none escape. Instead, she gazed at Him patiently and He continued a moment later. “Little one, it won’t be easy and it will take time.” He waited for her response, though He knew with a smile what it would be. “You’ll stay with me through this? You’ll carry me when I can’t walk another step?” He nodded and a determined look settled on her face. “Well then, let’s go see this valley. Just lead the way.”

 So they left the grove, stepping back out into the rain, walking towards the dark valley entrance. There they paused and He looked at her. “Ready?” She put her small hand in his big strong hand and nodded. And they skipped into the darkness.

Seledreorig

 We were once lovely model of perfection, royalty so charming and beauty overwhelming. Lovely and loving in gowns so soft and vibrant, twirling under a skyscape of stars every night. Soft tinkling laughter, low murmurs of kindness and warmth and all of this in our great Hall, our great King presiding.

 So long ago now and what terrible things have since transpired. Somewhere, a clock struck the close of our happiness, a feat accomplished by our own hands. Those beautiful lights blinked out like dying fireflies and our gowns gave way to rags. Barefoot and broken hearted, we found ourselves running through woods full of things we’d never dreamed of, dire shadows of evils unknown.

 We happened across a book lying in a glade, left by our King. Though its’ sweet words of hope should have strengthened us, it instead separated our group as each chose a different path. Our paths changed us, as sorrows often do and the memory of our great Hall whittled into a sadness that rested deep in our hearts. The book was lost.

 One tried to ease the sadness by building wealth and living a wild life, full of happiness that lasted for short whiles. One found plants in the woods that erased all feeling at all. Once gave away all her precious belongings in hopes of something beautiful in return. One found safety and comfort in harm, wounds that never quite seemed to heal. One never stopped travelling, seeking happiness in the right place to call home.

 Had our lives ever been different? Didn’t we always trudge on through each day, peasants covered in mud? Sometimes we dreamed of haunting music or of a kind laughter, full of love, but we always woke up.

 One found the book and understood what it truly meant. Heart dancing at the thought of finding the answer, of the sadness eased, the question asked for the last time. Ever wandering to tell the truth to others, hopeful of the promised new Hall, we found each other again and broke through the haze of lies we’d submitted to.

 We won’t always wander the woods; nor will the sadness, the lack of a hall, dwell in our souls. We journey to our Hall and our King, dreaming happily of reuniting, of lovely gowns and loving laughter. We dream and travel home.

1. Five Ways to Win My Heart

(A friend and I are doing a 30 day writing challenge, where we have a list of writing prompts and we write about each one in whatever way we want. I'll be posting mine here.)

1. Five Ways to Win My Heart

Words permanently inked upon parchments

Of imagination and lovely open dreams,

Revealing pieces of your dear heart

And begging to see my own thoughts.

Patience and an adventurous companion

With a love to match my own

For thousands of dusty forgotten portals,

Collecting all we can for safe keeping.

Acceptance and a love for my past

And the scars that map my sorrows,

Joy at redemption and sweet forgiveness,

Admiring the butterfly wings I possess.

Sharing the songs that mean the most,

That speak the loudest to your soul,

Causing you to want to leap and shout

Or sit and mourn unknown lost things.

But none of these matter that much,

They’re only nice things but not needed;

Rather, tell me of our Father’s ways

And let’s explore His love together.

New Year 2015

Fearfully, I looked inside my weary heart

And found an empty vessel thirsting deeply

To be filled by something grand and bold.

Many things, I consumed with wild abandon

But to my despair, I discovered tiny holes

In my hollow heart, so I was now a sieve

And nothing I consumed filled for long.

The hollow gnawed but no source satisfied,

Each drying up before joy was achieved,

So I sought across the land for a solution

Until He made Himself known with a smile.

“I see your heart is a sieve that longs

For filling and I’ve seen you searching.

How convenient, I have a river of love

That can never run out, twill always flow.”

Too good to be true but I surrendered

To His laughter and merciful, abundant waters

And we began to walk the road together,

So my heart is always full and gladly

I search no more, heart free of fear.

Falling

(One of my favorite songs is "Let Me Fall", sung by Josh Groban. This piece is inspired by that and also by the journey of growing up.)

 Here I stand at the edge of an endless drop, a cliff of uncertain futures, where sky, sea and land are one. One slight step and I would fall forward from all I know, solid ground and lovely repetition. It’s perfectly safe still, only speaking and not acting but action takes courage and movement.

 Yet the only movement here is to fall and falling is not a natural thing. Letting go completely, to be at the mercy of the winds, it isn’t safe; what’s more, it’s simply insane! One small step, ground to space, such a simple thing but the hardest step I might ever take. A swimmer doesn’t dive into unknown waters and a mere mortal doesn’t step into empty air.

 But what do I gain by remaining here on this ledge, ever gazing out at the unknown I didn’t explore? I know this ledge too well; I’ve grown as much as I can and my weak wings need more room to strengthen and grow. Untested, for that is what the step means and so, untrusting, though I’ve seen the birds fly. But I might fall!

 What do I lost? Nothing of value now, for this ledge has grown cold and grey, a lonely place of dreaming. Sunrise, sunset, colors that never quite reach my face and I know there is more beyond! And I hear her voice calling out sometimes, fain but persistent, desperate; “Come find me! I fly free in great wild lands!”

 Perhaps her voice is a lie created by my imagination and I really can’t trust it. Day by day, however, the ledge crumbles a little more and my wings ache deeper. Perhaps her voice is true, a call from one of those possible futures, Self longing to become. To fall is to lost control entirely but control has brought no color or joy.

 So I must fall, step off the ledge and hope my wings will lift me up and let me dance in the air on my own. The shadows aren’t pleased, but then again, they always were jealous of my shining feathers. At least, with only a pinprick of courage, I fall off the ledge into the great expanse of Possibility. 

Dinosaur Museum Musings

 Finally, after living in Alberta for two months, I finally went on an adventure to see one of Alberta's exciting sites. With my grandparents and my aunt, we took a drive down to Drumheller to see the dinosaurs at the Royal Tyrrell museum, which might sound boring to some of you but it was utterly fascinating. Despite feeling the whole time like Ross Geller from Friends should be there to give a tour, the experience was amazing.

  As soon as we entered the first enormous chamber, with dimmed lights and towering dinosaur models, I was filled with the greatest sense of awe. With my trusty camera in hand, I drifted in a near daze from one item to the next. You always know dinosaurs were big creatures but only when you stand underneath their magnificent skeletons do you really get a sense of what they were like.

 The more I saw, the sense of awe was joined by a profound sense of sadness and loss. In a way, I felt like I was walking over the grave of a lost civilization, one that was grand and mighty long ago but has been dead and gone for a very long time now, with their bones put up on display for speculation. Somehow it just didn't seem fair and I started trying to work out in my head why on earth God would create and then destroy these magnificent creatures.

 My writer's mind began making up ideas such as "perhaps the dinosaurs were proud and arrogant and deserved to be wiped out" which is just silly because they were animals like any other animal and can't be like that. Still, I couldn't get past the question of Why; why was an entire species, not just one breed, created and then utterly wiped out? There had to be a point! God doesn't do anything without a reason.


 But as people near me talked about the dinosaurs and I read descriptions from scientists about what they had discovered, I thought about all the scientists who had become Christians while trying to prove their theories correct. I thought of the evidence dinosaurs give concerning the flood and many other things and how even now, people are still looking at the dinosaurs and asking questions. 

 Is that a good enough reason? The point of the dinosaurs was to be wiped out so that for years and years, people would look at their bones and ask questions that might lead them to know God? Might sound quite sad and depressing and yet how fantastic is that? Even after they're long gone, their existence is giving God glory! And that's why God does anything and lets things happen; it's all to bring Him glory.




 I have a lot of hopes and dreams for my existence. I'd love to become a published author and be world famous and have my name on a thousand books, entertaining the nations. Yet God could also call me to be obscure, live and die and have that "be it"; I need to keep on laying my dreams down before Him. I think of Christians all around the world who are dying for their faith and here I am sometimes being angry at God for the dreams He hasn't fulfilled. The dinosaurs didn't have a choice in their attitude towards things but I do. Could I be obedient to the point of death? I really don't know. Could you?

After the Tempest

Little scraps of dream thoughts

Against a starry expanse of fear

Drifting among the sea of my heart.

To leap with angel’s wings

Or glide in murky waters of loss,

Seeking heart’s desire among despair,

Absurdity the only constant chord.

The world is much bigger now

As I shed this first skin

And rise from grey smoky ashes

To the blue of summer skies.

Time over sand, still I rise

Once more after the tempest.

A Sky Full of Stars

(I have internet at home finally! Yay! So one of the great things about living in Alberta is getting to sit out on my porch at night with my aunt and just stare up at the great starry night sky and dream about the future together. This poem came along after one such evening.)

Within a single moment in the cold

Night air under a sky full of stars,

Every pain and fear fades like mist,

Leaving me here looking only up

In silent wonder and astonished awe.

So silent is the night sky, so safe,

A moment apart from normal time

And gazing on this vast expanse

My heart can dream without fear,

Surpassing every boundary doubts raise.

Your great starry blanket rests over me

Giving more freedom than I could imagine

And with awe I give all that I am

To simply being amazed at who You are

And the places You can take me;

Possibilities more vast than the stars

In the untameable, wild night sky.

Capernwray Thoughts: Part 13 and 14

Part 13

 There were a few weeks after Outreach where we just had a lot of fun while we waited to go home. One fun event was the end of the term talent show, which I had absolutely no intention of entering. We had a lot of amazingly talented musicians and singers, as well as many other gifts and entering a talent show seemed like the last thing I could win.

 However, as often happens, God just showed up one day and said “You should sign up. Read one of your stories.” To which I promptly laughed, said no and then actually thought about it. I knew I had nothing to lose, with this being my last Saturday there and it could really be fun. So I signed up, despite the fact that the list was already filling up with many talented names.

 At the practice, I just about quit after hearing all the other people go up before me. Stubbornly, I stuck to it and despite some silly nerves, finally went up on stage Saturday night in front of my peers. After the first paragraph I read, they were laughing, which actually really startled me because I didn’t think the story was that funny but suddenly, having such an amazing audience, I had so much fun.

 I actually hadn’t realized until the show that there would be judges and someone who would win, which did throw me off a little and for the rest of the show, I knew I wouldn’t get first place. But that was fine. I was amazed that I had actually gone up and done something like that. I compared myself from the first week in England to then, my last week and was utterly astounded at everything that God had done. I had come to England a timid, broken and weary person and now I was an energetic healed, hopeful dreamer.

 When they called my name as the winner of the talent show, it was beyond anything I had imagined and I just couldn’t believe it. That night was one of the best nights I’ve ever had and I’ll always have to smile thinking about how much fun that was.

Part 14

 Now I’m back home. When I flew home, I had all these hopes of how things would be different, both in my own behaviour but also in the people I knew. For a few very difficult weeks, I had to realize that while I had changed, everything else was the same and there was one horrible week or two where I went back to the person I was in September. Coming home from a taste of heaven is no easy task.

 But time keeps on going and I keep on changing. Within a month, everything I had learned at Capernwray began to kick in and my new adventures began. It has taken slow, difficult steps all the way and nothing is like I imagined it would be but it’s just as good because God is leading me.

 Am I now out changing the entire world, doing huge projects in His name? No and that’s perfectly okay. I’m simply walking through life, one step at a time, with God. It probably won’t ever be super easy and I’ve already been crawling through some valleys again but I know for certain I’m not alone. All those things I learned at Capernwray truly have set a foundation for me and I don’t doubt I’ll use what I learned in my six months in England for the rest of my life.

Capernwray Thoughts: Part 11 and 12

Part 11

 There were so many things out on the Loop, in nature, that seemed to speak to me during my time at the Hall. Maybe that’s just because the English countryside has so much to offer for one’s imagination but I constantly saw lessons whenever I walked outside.

 One thing that happened outside had to do with some swans. There was a good sized pond by the loop and a little side trail that went around it, which I sometimes liked to traverse just to make my walk different. However, residing in this pond were two white swans, utterly beautiful to look at but completely evil on the inside.

 I don’t know much about swan behaviour but I assume they were pretty typical. They hissed, walked across water to beat each other up and gave passerby’s very angry and murderous looks. And yet if you didn’t wait by the pond for too long, you very often didn’t see this awful behaviour. You just assumed they were beautiful, pure and graceful creatures, because that’s how they looked.

 There was also a grey swan that lived by the pond. Now, I have absolutely no idea the real story behind this, I’m not a swan expert but how it looked to me is what I’m going to write about. I first saw the grey swan on a rainy day walking the Loop. I was startled by the sight of the grey swan, nesting comfortably by the fence that surrounded the pond and felt a little in awe to be so close to such a creature. It looked at me and while I was probably just thinking overdramatically, it seemed to be conveying a message of peace and wellness and I was loathe to keep walking.

 Maybe a week or so later, I heard from several of my peers that the grey swan was dead; literally ripped to pieces by the two white swans. Now, I know it was just a swan but oh, I cried many a tear over its’ death. After a few weeks, I brought myself to go out there and see the scattered bones of the poor creature. And there were the two white swans, peacefully floating on the still waters and suddenly I had a picture in my head, a comparison of the swans and the Pharisees. The white swans looked perfect on the outside like the Pharisees but they murdered, a deed so dark and vile.

 That thought stayed with me for a long time and what made me really sad was the fact that the grey swan wasn’t coming back. That swan had died for nothing and the white swans had gotten away with it and now they could continue on as if nothing had happened. But I knew and the thought of a useless sacrifice was so sad to me. But then the beauty of what Jesus did for us and the wonderful fact that He rose from the dead became just a little more real to me.

Part 12

 Outreach. The very mention of it filled me with fear for the first few months. It was the big finale of school, what all our teaching led up to and it was absolutely mandatory. Right from the beginning, I knew I would have to do it but I truly kept imagining it to be some awful ordeal where I would be pushed to grow until I snapped and all my time in England would be wasted and-well, that’s usually where my overdramatic mind went.

 However, throughout the time prior to Outreach, we learned a lot of useful things about evangelizing and how to defend the faith and countless other topics. Gradually, the idea of Outreach seemed less and less intimidating and I knew it would be good, even if it might also be hard. I knew that God had brought me to England and He wouldn’t abandon me right before Outreach or anything.

 When we first got our Outreach teams and I met with mine, I first was scared about the fact that I was in one of the largest groups; ten people. A lot of groups were just 3 or 4 people and I had really wanted that. I’m more comfortable being myself in smaller groups and it’s easier for me to open up more quickly. Still, this was after Christmas break and I was already a changed person and I was determined to be open, to bond with my team and work as efficiently as I possibly could.

 Right from the start, God was there with our team. We were all very different people and I think if it weren’t for God, there might have been definite trouble and strife. But fantastically, we got along so well! I could hardly believe it. But it was so much fun, hanging out, joking with the team, planning all the things we would do for Outreach and we bonded so quickly. I just loved my Outreach team and though Outreach still stretched me, it wasn’t painful like I expected it to be.

 For Outreach, all the teams were sent to different places around England (and two teams right out of the country) to help at churches and do different events. And this was for ten days! We did different things like acting in skits or running an event for 80 or so kids. Each day was a chance to see God at work, through us but also in all the people we got to talk with.

 However, the ladies brunch was the one thing that impacted me the most. About 30 ladies were there in a restaurant, eating and having a good time and afterwards they would go up to a room and hear someone speak. This time, that someone was me; I was going to give my testimony. Now, the testimony I had written at the beginning of the year was already honest about a few things I had never told anyone but it was by no means the entire story. Now, a few days before we went on Outreach, I’d felt a nudge to just rewrite my testimony completely. A part of me didn’t want to ever be that vulnerable and yet I knew I couldn’t ignore that nudge.

 So the testimony I gave to thirty women that Saturday left nothing out. I shook the entire time I spoke and the feeling of all those eyes on me was almost more than I could bare. Yet the entire time, even during that week, I felt as though I just had to give my testimony. I felt as though my entire reason for coming to England, if for nothing else, was to share my testimony that day. And I did and the response was so overwhelming. Thirty women of all ages cried and talked to me afterwards, giving me glimpses of their own stories and it was so encouraging. One old woman told me “You’ve gained thirty new sisters here today.” 

 I learned a lot during Outreach and I’m so thankful I had a chance to do it. While it was hard during Outreach to feel as though we made an impact, I have full confidence that God used us in ways we couldn’t even imagine. And the fantastic thing is that one day we’ll get to see all those ways. 

Capernwray Thoughts: Part 3 and 4

Part 3

 I had a lot of stuff I hadn’t told anyone, coming from two years of hurt and darkness. One of our first assignments was to write our testimony and present it to our Family Group. Now I knew that for my time in England to be fully useful, I would have to share and be open so I could grow. My roommates made all that just a little bit easier, especially on one day where we all shared our testimonies with each other for practice.

 Something I learned that day was that all those things about ourselves that we hide, in fear of being seen as different or just too broken, are, first of all, ridiculously common in everyone. Because I had always hid all my problems inside where no one could see, I felt that my problems were rare and so, un-healable. But when I opened up to others, I saw that others had the same hurts and I was in no way alone in my struggles. And that was such a great comfort, bringing hope and the impossible possibility of healing.

 Secondly, just the very act of bringing those hurts and struggles into the light where others can see them took away the power of those hurts. Sharing me, my entire self, brokenness and all was so utterly freeing and the chains those hurts had placed on me broke. If you bring your darkness into the light, it weakens and loses its hold over you. After being such a solitary person, this was one of the first good things about community that I learned and it made me want to continue being in community.

Part 4

 I think one of my all-time favourite things about Capernwray was the Loop. It was a path that looped all around the countryside, going by pond and a river and numerous fields with sheep in them. I first explored the Loop with my roommates on one of the first days but later on I started a habit of walking the Loop right after lunch. It was my alone time, where I could just talk with God, listen to music, and sometimes I brought a notebook along to write poems. I’d vigorously walk the whole thing or sit by the river or the pond and just….be. Our days at Capernwray were packed with lectures, duties and socializing, which were all wonderful. But to balance all that out, I had about an hour or so of just being, out in nature with God.

 My walk became so important to me, time away from people. I’ve always heard God better when I’ve been out in nature simply because it’s easier to hear and see Him in what He’s made and the English countryside was perfect. A good many poems were inspired by my walk and it also gave me time to process all the things I was learning in lectures. The lesson I learned from my walk was actually taught by one of our lecturers.

 He told a story about a relative of his who had a chair. Every morning, this relative sat in that chair with his Bible and a pen in hand and sat with God for an hour. Every morning. That chair was special, marked as a sacred space for just him and God. The lecturer concluded with the question “What is your chair?” My “chair” was my walk on the Loop every day and since being back, I realize I need to consciously find a new “chair” and keep up a routine, because hanging out with God is not something you can just do in a few minutes.

Capernwray Thoughts: Part 1 and 2

 Finally, after four months of being home, I've start writing a Capernwray Memoir. I'll be posting it in pieces so that it's easier to read (and I'm not done yet anyway).

Part 1

 Funny to think it’s already been four months since I got home from England. I was living at Capernwray Hall, which was my sanctuary for six all too quickly passing months. I vaguely remember when I decided to go there after High School; it was in the later half of grade twelve and it was a dark time. The pressure of having a “next step” was greater than ever and though I had several half hearted ideas, each one made my stomach turn and I just wanted to hide from Reality.

 Spiritually and mentally I was very sick, just worn out and ready to move on from High School but I had no place to move on to. Old hurts kept coming up, never leaving my mind and I felt ready to just burst out of my skin and flee what my life had become. I think it was my dad who finally mentioned Capernwray, a Bible school in England. And as I thought about it, my stomach didn’t turn and going there just seemed right. In desperation I sent in my application without any backup plans in case that failed and a part of me never quite doubted that I would make it. The acceptance letter filled me with equal amounts of excitement and horror.

 The fact that I was going to England became a light at the end of the tunnel for me and helped me make it through the rest of grade twelve. The summer leading up to my departure was filled with many ups and downs, with dread of leaving what I knew and the yearning to leave behind a lot of broken relationships. Never once did I question whether this was the right thing to do, just if I was able to do it and yet every time I started going down that line of thinking, God popped up and said “Hey, that’s where I want you to go and I am going to make it happen. So calm down.”

Part 2

 When the plane took off and we began to go up and away from my home, I was completely struck by one ridiculous and delightful thought; “I’m fleeing the country and all my problems, which have haunted me for so long, can’t follow. They just aren’t allowed.” Suddenly all my problems weren’t in my face and I didn’t have to pay them any mind. They weren’t nearly as big as I had made them out to be.

 I was already beginning to change, even on that plane ride and despite being fearful about the trip, I knew that great things were ahead of me and fear wasn’t going to rule over me. I travelled with three other girls who were also going, which was a comfort (because I would have gotten so lost otherwise). When the plane landed and we taxied to the train station, I was feeling good and very brave.

 We had to wait at the train station for a few hours and ended up buying some food at a café. Within twenty minutes of eating a sandwich, I was more nauseous than I’ve ever been before without throwing up. My stomach and I have never gotten along and when it begins to act up, it makes me panic a little and feel utterly helpless. Desperately I prayed over and over again for God to just calm my stomach because I couldn’t lie in the London train station forever.

 However, after one desperate bribery prayer (“I swear, God, if you calm my stomach down, I’ll be so good from now on. PLEASE.”), God said “I promised I’d get you there.” And that was about it. Needless to say, my over active imagination provided all sorts of scenarios where I would just die there in the bathroom or that perhaps I had a rare incurable disease. My hope and joy was demolished in seconds and I was miserable.

 My thoughts jump to the car ride from the train station to the Hall. I remember even as we drove down the narrow winding roads and I wanted nothing more than to die that I looked back at my day and realized I had made it. God had brought me to England, to this castle that I would come to love as my second home, where all these fantastic things would happen. The sight of the castle coming into view in the darkness brought such relief.

  Now that I think about it, the fact that my stomach was so off kept me from being nervous about meeting my roommates. I’ve never had to share a room in my life and I am one who appreciates her own space and before the trip, I had been concerned about sharing a room with lots of other people who I might not get along with. But at ten at night, completely jet lagged and not having eaten anything in seven hours, all I wanted was to meet the roommates and then go to sleep.

 I think so fondly of Room 12, Conference Hall. The first night, it was like a cold, inhospitable hotel room, very nice and clean but very impersonal. Within a week, I think we made it the most personal room of all. I could not have asked for better roommates. We were all delightfully introverted, and so we were able to be extroverts with each other, making getting to know one another really easy. I was worried about not being able to relate with any of them and yet I found myself relating with each one in different and awesome ways. 

Evolo

I was born amidst a stormy night of trials and hailing fire, born for things so great and still unseen. Raised to be wild and reckless, heart stubbornly cold against the guidance of love so that when my wings had grown to completion, I flew heedless of the voice of the shepherd.

 From one fair city to the next, I travelled, dwelling fully in each pleasure every place offered up. I grew more restless with each tasted delight, heart seeking hungrily. Every place of sinful desires left its mark on my feathers, weakening them and causing feathers to slowly fall like autumn leaves. In the last shining city of greed and temptation, I had only a skeletal frame on my back.

 Grounded, panic entered my heart as I heard the voice of my pursuer once more and I fled from the city to an oasis. But to my horror, the oasis was only a mirage and when daylight came, I found myself in an empty, scorching desert. Friendless and broken, I lay in the sands as the sunlight beat mercilessly upon my fair skin.

 In a half asleep state, I often dreamt of better things, of what I knew could have been had I only listened to that voice. And yet when that voice called to me in my dreams, I woke myself up in terror. Hidden in sharp rocks like a snake, I gave up my grip upon life, fully undeserving of it.

 Then the call came again, a soft whisper this time, gentle and far too kind to someone so vile. Yet it persisted and I was too tired to flee again. Tears ran down my face as I looked up at his face, his eyes mirroring mine. Yet I saw not a dark, angry skeleton but a lonely and loved child. I flinched at his touch but then gasped as healing shot through my shattered heart, all the pieces being pulled together.

 His gentle fingers went over every scar, not taking them away but taking the despair that lay in every groove. And then, beyond what I dared hope for, he created new feathers and clothed my bones anew so I might fly with him. Fully redeemed, he held me close and said he loved me. Then, heart humble and willing, I followed him into the pale blue unknown, never to flee him again.

Wishing Star

In a night so horribly dark,
I looked up at the sky
and saw a star so bright,
beaming down on my sorrow.
I made a wish so pure,
wishing for healing inside me,
peace in the troubled world
and happiness for my family.
I wished to find love
and be sweet hearted,
be a good, caring parent
and change the whole world.
All this and much more,
I wished upon that star;
but then that great light
moved steadily in the dark
and I saw my wishing
star was only an airplane.

See You

My ever breaking heart

Cries out to you, Saviour,

Lover of my weary soul.

Hope brings your sweet joy

But hope lies dead inside

The caverns of my memory,

Crippling my wings of praise.

Let me sing from the ashes,

Praise your name in the sorrow

And see only your greatness,

Not the pain that dwells within.

Home

I want to go home,

A simple and honest

Desire I lay before you.

I want to dance

And sing in your courts

Where sorrow is no more

And I can see your eyes,

Filled with deepest love,

Where I will be purified

And all doubts will die.

Yet I’m still here on earth,

Pain residing inside me

And so I see clearly

You have more plans

Not yet completed in me,

So I will sit with you

In spirit, dreaming of when

I will sit with you in body.

Questions

Will this battle never end,

The waves of darkness stop

Crashing on the shores of hope,

Cruelly tossing my dreams

Upon the rocks of failure?

Will I ever fully rest in peace,

The tears cease kissing my bed

And demons of sweet temptation

Be banished from my mind?

Will you reach from heaven

And heal the scars on my heart,

Renew my wings long plucked

Of any life and desire to fly?

Will you teach me to thank you

When happiness is merely a dream,

My eyes gazing wearily at eternity

And the littered remains of my past?

Will you love me despite it all,

My wandering and selfish heart,

The doubts that dwell in my mind

And the desires for lesser things?

You May

You may strike my heart

With sorrow sharp as stone;

You may wrack my body

With sickness strong and cruel.

You may take me high

Up mountain tops so cold;

You may lead me down

To empty desert lands.

You may break my will

Underneath your hands;

You may teach me

To sing in every storm.

You may have my being,

As you are the Creator;

You may have my praise

In every part of life.