Part 11
There were so many
things out on the Loop, in nature, that seemed to speak to me during my time at
the Hall. Maybe that’s just because the English countryside has so much to
offer for one’s imagination but I constantly saw lessons whenever I walked
outside.
One thing that
happened outside had to do with some swans. There was a good sized pond by the
loop and a little side trail that went around it, which I sometimes liked to
traverse just to make my walk different. However, residing in this pond were
two white swans, utterly beautiful to look at but completely evil on the
inside.
I don’t know much
about swan behaviour but I assume they were pretty typical. They hissed, walked
across water to beat each other up and gave passerby’s very angry and murderous
looks. And yet if you didn’t wait by the pond for too long, you very often didn’t
see this awful behaviour. You just assumed they were beautiful, pure and
graceful creatures, because that’s how they looked.
There was also a grey
swan that lived by the pond. Now, I have absolutely no idea the real story
behind this, I’m not a swan expert but how it looked to me is what I’m going to
write about. I first saw the grey swan on a rainy day walking the Loop. I was
startled by the sight of the grey swan, nesting comfortably by the fence that
surrounded the pond and felt a little in awe to be so close to such a creature.
It looked at me and while I was probably just thinking overdramatically, it
seemed to be conveying a message of peace and wellness and I was loathe to keep
walking.
Maybe a week or so
later, I heard from several of my peers that the grey swan was dead; literally
ripped to pieces by the two white swans. Now, I know it was just a swan but oh,
I cried many a tear over its’ death. After a few weeks, I brought myself to go
out there and see the scattered bones of the poor creature. And there were the
two white swans, peacefully floating on the still waters and suddenly I had a
picture in my head, a comparison of the swans and the Pharisees. The white
swans looked perfect on the outside like the Pharisees but they murdered, a
deed so dark and vile.
That thought stayed
with me for a long time and what made me really sad was the fact that the grey
swan wasn’t coming back. That swan had died for nothing and the white swans had
gotten away with it and now they could continue on as if nothing had happened.
But I knew and the thought of a useless sacrifice was so sad to me. But then
the beauty of what Jesus did for us and the wonderful fact that He rose from
the dead became just a little more real to me.
Part 12
Outreach. The very
mention of it filled me with fear for the first few months. It was the big
finale of school, what all our teaching led up to and it was absolutely
mandatory. Right from the beginning, I knew I would have to do it but I truly
kept imagining it to be some awful ordeal where I would be pushed to grow until
I snapped and all my time in England would be wasted and-well, that’s usually
where my overdramatic mind went.
However, throughout
the time prior to Outreach, we learned a lot of useful things about
evangelizing and how to defend the faith and countless other topics. Gradually,
the idea of Outreach seemed less and less intimidating and I knew it would be
good, even if it might also be hard. I knew that God had brought me to England
and He wouldn’t abandon me right before Outreach or anything.
When we first got our
Outreach teams and I met with mine, I first was scared about the fact that I
was in one of the largest groups; ten people. A lot of groups were just 3 or 4
people and I had really wanted that. I’m more comfortable being myself in
smaller groups and it’s easier for me to open up more quickly. Still, this was
after Christmas break and I was already a changed person and I was determined
to be open, to bond with my team and work as efficiently as I possibly could.
Right from the start,
God was there with our team. We were all very different people and I think if
it weren’t for God, there might have been definite trouble and strife. But
fantastically, we got along so well! I could hardly believe it. But it was so
much fun, hanging out, joking with the team, planning all the things we would
do for Outreach and we bonded so quickly. I just loved my Outreach team and
though Outreach still stretched me, it wasn’t painful like I expected it to be.
For Outreach, all the
teams were sent to different places around England (and two teams right out of
the country) to help at churches and do different events. And this was for ten
days! We did different things like acting in skits or running an event for 80
or so kids. Each day was a chance to see God at work, through us but also in
all the people we got to talk with.
However, the ladies
brunch was the one thing that impacted me the most. About 30 ladies were there
in a restaurant, eating and having a good time and afterwards they would go up
to a room and hear someone speak. This time, that someone was me; I was going
to give my testimony. Now, the testimony I had written at the beginning of the
year was already honest about a few things I had never told anyone but it was
by no means the entire story. Now, a few days before we went on Outreach, I’d
felt a nudge to just rewrite my testimony completely. A part of me didn’t want
to ever be that vulnerable and yet I knew I couldn’t ignore that nudge.
So the testimony I
gave to thirty women that Saturday left nothing out. I shook the entire time I
spoke and the feeling of all those eyes on me was almost more than I could
bare. Yet the entire time, even during that week, I felt as though I just had
to give my testimony. I felt as though my entire reason for coming to England,
if for nothing else, was to share my testimony that day. And I did and the
response was so overwhelming. Thirty women of all ages cried and talked to me
afterwards, giving me glimpses of their own stories and it was so encouraging.
One old woman told me “You’ve gained thirty new sisters here today.”
I learned a lot
during Outreach and I’m so thankful I had a chance to do it. While it was hard
during Outreach to feel as though we made an impact, I have full confidence
that God used us in ways we couldn’t even imagine. And the fantastic thing is
that one day we’ll get to see all those ways.
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