On the Sand

I’ve been filled up so much

That I’ve toppled and spilled,

Now lying empty in the sands.

Weakly, I gave myself up,

Far too weary to try struggling,

So that I become the sand,

Un-individual, lying in hot sunlight.

But that was exactly my place,

Where I was meant to be

And He met me there, smiled,

Took my hand and drew me up

So I discovered who I was,

His precious and adored little girl.

Amicitia Funere

The music was somber and slow,

an old, out of tune pipe organ.

The lights were dim, and flickered,

the air heavy against my lungs.

My slow steps are silent, muffled

by the tear stained, worn out carpet.

It was just the two of us there,

standing on either side of the room.

Your eyes remain downcast, angry,

while mine burn stinging red.

We sit down, a suitable distance,

and fear speaking the first word,

for once we begin, it's the end.

"We are gathered here today", at last,

and so you stand, hands cradled

around a well worn box of memories.

I watch you stride to the front

and place the box in the coffin.

You stand back, still looking away,

and then it's my turn, at last.

My box is falling apart, duct taped,

and stuffed to nearly overflowing.

Gently, down beside yours, it lies,

and then we're nearly through.

The lagging music continues to play,

and as my heart begins to break,

we both leave the darkened room.

And that was the funeral of our

friendship.

Trapped in the Past

  I'm constantly reminded of something I read in a book once, about getting trapped in the "land of If Only". It's so unbelievably easy to start thinking about past disappointments, and think, "If only this had happened instead" or, "If only that hadn't happened". It's like the past could have been some happy, carefree time "if only" something had or hadn't happened.

    But when you look back all the time, you can't move forward. The past has passed, it's fixed like that now and no amount of wishing and sighing is going to change it. What can change is the present and future, but you can't see the changes if you're still looking backwards.

  Besides, yearning for a past that will never happen only rots you inside, and that messes with your present and future too. One has to learn to say, "Yes, that happened, and I hate it, but now it's time for something new to happen". Take a deep breath, dry your tears and deal with your frustration in a constructive way.

    Of course some days are still going to be bad. and that's okay. Moving on takes time, sometimes a lot of time. It's all a process. But the first step is to notice when you fall into the trap of "if only", and to step away from that. To focus on the present and future.