Alterity

Brokenhearted from what you’ve lost;

What can make you whole again?

You scream till your voice is gone,

Like a butterfly out of captivity

Knowing anything can happen any moment,

Flying to white gates of memory.

Should I shatter your frozen death

At the place where mercy reigns?

You’ve seen it all and it’s so cold

But you’re dreaming of those days,

A beautiful heart, a work of art. 

Litera

Cast through a wicked whirling portal, flailing

Among stardust and murky acid ink spots,

Not daring to breathe lest I shatter

In this swift loss of vibrant lands.

Now place a new, traversing dusty roads

With a red book of lover letters in hand

To seek echoes of your wandering soul

Amidst lies of love and dark dreams.

Memory may be trapped in old stone

And your cruel prison has no solid locks

But your words write a narrow way
And I hope they’ll lead us back home.

After Atiloquence

Time has unraveled as undisturbed borders alter shape

Without source, unquestioned by primordial trees,

For they merely observe from their safe eugeria.

But I dwell in alterity, aliferous without a sky

Or dreams to bring alleviation…so sleep is desolate

And I suspend in the achorontic expanse of glassy stars.

All my atiloquence falls lifeless to the lurid land

And in a swift sweep, my kilderkin is revealed,

Possible once this crystalline sphere has deliquesced,

So I flex my abandoned wings and linger awhile more. 

Speciosis

Celestial beams warm my sleek surface as I rest

And reflect heavenly races of alabaster vapor.

I do not dream beyond the stern bulrushes,

Content to observe my inhabitants take flight,

For their colorful forms are to be admired

And I am not so unsightly myself, calm, at peace.

But the persistent claw of a brewing storm

Streaks and disrupts my frail exterior

And then the once friendly clouds begin an assault;

And I can only survey my disfigured appearance.

Each cold missile wounds and wrinkles age me,

My cerulean borders pockmarked, all purpose lost.

Yet before I close in murky sinking despair,

A lone figure captures my portrait, respectfully distant,

Astonishing; yet there, in my agony, I am beautiful.

Second Childhood

An incomprehensible blur of faces and colors,

Sounds becoming clearer until they form “words”,

Whole words found and explored with abandon,

New wonders added to build a reality; growing up.

And I lived, wrote my heart onto the pages,

Learned studiously, laughed with my dear friends

And at night in mood beams, dreams soared,

Until normal life was achieved and I sat.

What lurching horror to find my chair gone

And I fell into a swirling void of confusion,

Stripping me down to my fragile core

And I was a child for the second time.

Loss could not bind my heart for long

And stubbornly, I jumped into the new life

To find a joy filled land of tastes and shapes,

So that I grew up well and was blessed.

Warrior

Lead me to the raging waters

In a simple dress of white

To drown the entrapping darkness

And strip my flesh to the bone.

Destroyed by victorious love

And drawn up in fierce fire,

The reflection is mine, yet not,

Truly alive, unafraid of failure

In the face of a daunting army.

Washed by water, fire rested,

So lost that Self is found,

A warrior fighting with love.

Waltz

Shadows reigned in the starscape land

As dreams waltzed sleep into dust

And dared to shine beyond boundaries

Of fear and weary tales of tomorrow.

Against a familiar seeping sorrow, refreshed

Feathers of faith amidst desolate losses

Flexed shyly, then strengthened in waking dawn

To sweep the shards from my broken surface.

Then, beyond the cold restraining glass,

Dark was stripped away and forgotten

As day sharpened and pierced my heart,

And I was free, brighter than the stars.

Forgiveness

Time and again, I fail, break,

Snap at the people I should love

Or choose silence over encouraging words,

Think cruel thoughts of judgment.

And I’m sorry; I don’t mean it

But Flesh rears up in my heart,

Pride and selfish desire coming first

When it should remain slain.

Yet still, despite failure and losses,

You stay the same, never failing

Ever loving, such an amazing thing

I can barely believe and how freeing!

Fly Away

Let me fly with the birds
away from these dark ashes
to clearer skies of hope.
Wings made of mere dreams
taking shape and taking flight
beyond this flat mortal realm.

1. Five Ways to Win My Heart

(A friend and I are doing a 30 day writing challenge, where we have a list of writing prompts and we write about each one in whatever way we want. I'll be posting mine here.)

1. Five Ways to Win My Heart

Words permanently inked upon parchments

Of imagination and lovely open dreams,

Revealing pieces of your dear heart

And begging to see my own thoughts.

Patience and an adventurous companion

With a love to match my own

For thousands of dusty forgotten portals,

Collecting all we can for safe keeping.

Acceptance and a love for my past

And the scars that map my sorrows,

Joy at redemption and sweet forgiveness,

Admiring the butterfly wings I possess.

Sharing the songs that mean the most,

That speak the loudest to your soul,

Causing you to want to leap and shout

Or sit and mourn unknown lost things.

But none of these matter that much,

They’re only nice things but not needed;

Rather, tell me of our Father’s ways

And let’s explore His love together.

After the Tempest

Little scraps of dream thoughts

Against a starry expanse of fear

Drifting among the sea of my heart.

To leap with angel’s wings

Or glide in murky waters of loss,

Seeking heart’s desire among despair,

Absurdity the only constant chord.

The world is much bigger now

As I shed this first skin

And rise from grey smoky ashes

To the blue of summer skies.

Time over sand, still I rise

Once more after the tempest.

A Sky Full of Stars

(I have internet at home finally! Yay! So one of the great things about living in Alberta is getting to sit out on my porch at night with my aunt and just stare up at the great starry night sky and dream about the future together. This poem came along after one such evening.)

Within a single moment in the cold

Night air under a sky full of stars,

Every pain and fear fades like mist,

Leaving me here looking only up

In silent wonder and astonished awe.

So silent is the night sky, so safe,

A moment apart from normal time

And gazing on this vast expanse

My heart can dream without fear,

Surpassing every boundary doubts raise.

Your great starry blanket rests over me

Giving more freedom than I could imagine

And with awe I give all that I am

To simply being amazed at who You are

And the places You can take me;

Possibilities more vast than the stars

In the untameable, wild night sky.

Wishing Star

In a night so horribly dark,
I looked up at the sky
and saw a star so bright,
beaming down on my sorrow.
I made a wish so pure,
wishing for healing inside me,
peace in the troubled world
and happiness for my family.
I wished to find love
and be sweet hearted,
be a good, caring parent
and change the whole world.
All this and much more,
I wished upon that star;
but then that great light
moved steadily in the dark
and I saw my wishing
star was only an airplane.

A Hurt

Though my years were many,
I found myself as a child
in the golden forever field,
running to Your open arms.
Gently, you carried me to
the towering safe place
where You set me down
and wiped my tears away.
 "Sweet child, what is it?"
I held out my heart,
in many ravaged pieces,
and You took it lovingly.
"I'll take care of this."

See You

My ever breaking heart

Cries out to you, Saviour,

Lover of my weary soul.

Hope brings your sweet joy

But hope lies dead inside

The caverns of my memory,

Crippling my wings of praise.

Let me sing from the ashes,

Praise your name in the sorrow

And see only your greatness,

Not the pain that dwells within.

Home

I want to go home,

A simple and honest

Desire I lay before you.

I want to dance

And sing in your courts

Where sorrow is no more

And I can see your eyes,

Filled with deepest love,

Where I will be purified

And all doubts will die.

Yet I’m still here on earth,

Pain residing inside me

And so I see clearly

You have more plans

Not yet completed in me,

So I will sit with you

In spirit, dreaming of when

I will sit with you in body.

Questions

Will this battle never end,

The waves of darkness stop

Crashing on the shores of hope,

Cruelly tossing my dreams

Upon the rocks of failure?

Will I ever fully rest in peace,

The tears cease kissing my bed

And demons of sweet temptation

Be banished from my mind?

Will you reach from heaven

And heal the scars on my heart,

Renew my wings long plucked

Of any life and desire to fly?

Will you teach me to thank you

When happiness is merely a dream,

My eyes gazing wearily at eternity

And the littered remains of my past?

Will you love me despite it all,

My wandering and selfish heart,

The doubts that dwell in my mind

And the desires for lesser things?

You May

You may strike my heart

With sorrow sharp as stone;

You may wrack my body

With sickness strong and cruel.

You may take me high

Up mountain tops so cold;

You may lead me down

To empty desert lands.

You may break my will

Underneath your hands;

You may teach me

To sing in every storm.

You may have my being,

As you are the Creator;

You may have my praise

In every part of life.

On the Sand

I’ve been filled up so much

That I’ve toppled and spilled,

Now lying empty in the sands.

Weakly, I gave myself up,

Far too weary to try struggling,

So that I become the sand,

Un-individual, lying in hot sunlight.

But that was exactly my place,

Where I was meant to be

And He met me there, smiled,

Took my hand and drew me up

So I discovered who I was,

His precious and adored little girl.

Not the Why

As my world crashed around me,

I sought so desperately for answers,

To know the why and what for

But when I finally came across them,

I found they did not heal me,

Only left behind more cold despair.

And so I gave up the searching

And opened myself up to the healing,

Tearing down my self-preserving walls

And facing the ever shining sun,
And the Why ceased to matter.