See You

My ever breaking heart

Cries out to you, Saviour,

Lover of my weary soul.

Hope brings your sweet joy

But hope lies dead inside

The caverns of my memory,

Crippling my wings of praise.

Let me sing from the ashes,

Praise your name in the sorrow

And see only your greatness,

Not the pain that dwells within.

Home

I want to go home,

A simple and honest

Desire I lay before you.

I want to dance

And sing in your courts

Where sorrow is no more

And I can see your eyes,

Filled with deepest love,

Where I will be purified

And all doubts will die.

Yet I’m still here on earth,

Pain residing inside me

And so I see clearly

You have more plans

Not yet completed in me,

So I will sit with you

In spirit, dreaming of when

I will sit with you in body.

Questions

Will this battle never end,

The waves of darkness stop

Crashing on the shores of hope,

Cruelly tossing my dreams

Upon the rocks of failure?

Will I ever fully rest in peace,

The tears cease kissing my bed

And demons of sweet temptation

Be banished from my mind?

Will you reach from heaven

And heal the scars on my heart,

Renew my wings long plucked

Of any life and desire to fly?

Will you teach me to thank you

When happiness is merely a dream,

My eyes gazing wearily at eternity

And the littered remains of my past?

Will you love me despite it all,

My wandering and selfish heart,

The doubts that dwell in my mind

And the desires for lesser things?

You May

You may strike my heart

With sorrow sharp as stone;

You may wrack my body

With sickness strong and cruel.

You may take me high

Up mountain tops so cold;

You may lead me down

To empty desert lands.

You may break my will

Underneath your hands;

You may teach me

To sing in every storm.

You may have my being,

As you are the Creator;

You may have my praise

In every part of life.

To Stay or Not to Stay

To stay or not to stay, that is the question-

Whether ‘tis selfish to flee once again,

So to cease suffering the demon of futility

Or to remain, hoping for an ocean of change,

And so waiting, be rewarded? But to run, fly-

And by flying, I mean to end my life here

Where each day is the same as before,

To end boredom, lazy mindless activity

And every nothingness I am pretty to? This

I so desire, dream of in twilight hours. To fly,

To spread my new wings; yet there lies danger,

For in flying free is the chance of falling,

Of my feathers melting in the sunlight

And all my growing will have been for naught,

And this makes me hesitate. Yet should I let

My wings grow rusty with misuse,

Feathers becoming dusty with apathy

And the constant wearing of Time,

No, my wings are meant to be used!

I must take the leap from the ledge

And land wherever I may, trusting

The wind that whispers to my heart.

How Love Wins

 I deserved this entirely, my sins laid out before me. I was a thief since I could walk; it was ingrained into my nature and this punishment was inevitable. No love for me, no hands to comfort my lonely heart, no, I am alone and now I am to die, just as I deserve.

 But He is here as well and I see that He should not be. Even in my bitter agony, I see His suffering is worse, for He deserves none of it. The crowd is cruel to Him and my heart breaks, for my eyes are open to who He is. I want to hide from His knowing gaze but I am trapped here, my vile darkness bared to the world.

 Even as He suffer, He looks at me with the most loving gaze and I cannot bare it. I should be in His place, or I should be kneeling before Him, begging for forgiveness. In my only possible way of showing Him the respect He deserves, I defend Him, wanting so desperately to thank Him, to let the crowd know who He is.

 And the words He speaks then, no, they can not be true. My sins are too many to be forgiven! It’s too late for me now as I hand here among other sinners. Tears run down my face as He forgives my every deed, letting sweet love soak into my heart. In awe. I know I am clean, forgiven by the Son of God.

 Still, he suffers and all seems hopeless. Yet this is all part of the pan and as my life ebbs away, I know my king will triumph. The clouds are dark now but the sun will shine again one day. Love will not be vanquished; love will overcome even the darkest enemy, ever hungry death.

Then He is there before me, offering His nail pierced hand. I take it and we step across the threshold to the place where pain is no more. Pure joy and adoration fill my heart and I enter the heavenly kingdom.

On the Sand

I’ve been filled up so much

That I’ve toppled and spilled,

Now lying empty in the sands.

Weakly, I gave myself up,

Far too weary to try struggling,

So that I become the sand,

Un-individual, lying in hot sunlight.

But that was exactly my place,

Where I was meant to be

And He met me there, smiled,

Took my hand and drew me up

So I discovered who I was,

His precious and adored little girl.

Books: March 2014

I think I forgot to post last month's but oh well. I somehow received a pile of books in March again, most of them while I was still in England and let me tell you, carting around 40 or so books through an airport is quite a feat. But so worth it!

Read:

1. Battlefield of the Mind

2. Murder in Three Acts

3. There is a Tide

Bought/Received:

1. Gideon’s Bible 935

2. The Secret Garden 936

3. Vampire Plagues 937

4. The Fall of Five 938

5. Mother Teresa: In My Own Words 939

6. First Born 940

7. Husky in a Hut 941

8. Hinds’ Feet on High Places 942

9. A Walk to Remember 943

10. Inside Stories 2 944

11. Household Tales 945

12. The Litigators 946

13. Death Comes to Pemberley 947

14. The Hunger Games 948

15. Skyclan’s Destiny 949

16. The Fourth Apprentice 950

17. Night Whispers 951

18. Into the Wild 952

19. Rising Storm 953

20. Midnight 954

21. Dawn 955

22. Starlight 956

23. Sunset 957

New Vlog!

I've started a vlog called "Karlin with a K"! The first post is up now on the "Karlin with a K" channel on youtube. Check it out and subscribe!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yuUnKDYyFE