Have I no right as
one chosen to be saved? I was special, a great man chosen for great deeds. Yet
to filth, I was sent, to the murderers of my ancestors. Stories passed down
from dying grandfathers to starving children about deeds so vile done by Them.
The slaughterers of my grandmother and sisters, to Them I was sent.
They deserved to die
a thousand times over, not be given words of peace. They were my enemies. Would
any sane man travel for months through dangerous climes into the seat of
depravity, where death was the most likely outcome? I was noble, above the
darkness; how could I let myself be tainted?
I wanted justice for
the evil done against us! I wanted revenge, an entire nation burned by fire
from the mighty heavens. Yet I was sent to bring forgiveness; utterly incomprehensible.
And why should I
suffer so, burning within with the sorrow of my people and the all consuming
anger? It isn’t fair! I who remained pure, treated so unjustly, driven to
desire death. They do not deserve grace. I
do, by the blood that runs in my veins.
But why, then, would
I go through such things? Through a supernatural storm, then eaten by a vile
beast of the sea but not finished, and though I then repented and did my duty,
They were still not destroyed, as they so deserved. No, They repented and grace
was poured upon them! Now they rejoice in their redeemed city while I rot all
day in the sun by a withered plant.
But now night falls
and I…I see it now. As the night sky opens up, the depths of the starry
expanse, and the wind turns from warm to cold, I see. Overwhelmed by the
greatness, the magnitude of the universe and the Creator, I see how horribly
small and meaningless my anger is. I see what a fool I’ve been, a selfish, self-righteous
fool. I saw nothing beyond my bitter and angry self. Perhaps it is time to
leave the withered plant and truly repent.
Keep meditating, enjoying, and inspiring the rest of us with your wonderful ability to put your thoughts into words - sorry - HIS thoughts into words!
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