Friday, January 25, 2013

Musings of the Almost Graduate


   I know I have to be patient, and on some days, waiting is easy. But on other days, when it seems like every other girl is a normal teen, with a typical life, waiting can be so painful.

  It’s these dreams that keep getting in the way. Dreams of being sought after. Dancing at the school dances with that special guy. Laughing with friends about trivial things. Carefree, happy days with no actual stress. Things that seem to happen to teens in books all the time. Or to every other teen around me. But life isn’t the same in books.

  Though it will be exciting, graduating and going on to better things, this year is just so full of endings. Opportunities are now gone forever, because next year, I won’t be back. The last dance, the last Valentine’s day, the last school play, the last classes. One part of me wants to say goodbye now, and just get it over with. The lingering can become so unbearable sometimes.

  Still a teen and yet almost an adult. It’s like being stuck between worlds, just awkwardly floundering and waiting for the next change. Things that used to matter simply don’t any more. Some of us are growing up already, while others have to be dragged by the ears.

  The future seems to be a looming darkness, unsafe and terrifying. Yet at the same time, the present will soon belong in the past and will hold no place for me soon. I have to grow up and move on. The next chapter will soon begin. 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Boudicca Reflects


  History can be so boring sometimes, so I decided to write a little something from the perspective of one of my favorite historical people, Boudicca, a Celtic warrior in AD 60 or so. Enjoy!

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Those of my people who are still alive call me a hero. A martyr. Someone to be remembered for ages to come, even after our lands are long destroyed. They have written songs about me, praising my courage and strength, and how I stood firm in the face of destruction.

   I don’t think I deserve any of these praises. And if they knew that I was still alive, then perhaps they wouldn’t praise me so. The truth is, I only wanted revenge, and in the end, it killed hundreds of our people, leaving me to run away like a coward. They call me a great leader, the Warrior Queen. I never wanted to lead my people. I never wanted to command an army. Yet in the end, I did, and now I am immortalized forever.

  The bards tell stories of how intimidating I was and how strong. All this was fueled by my anger. My hatred. The Romans had always pushed at us, causing us to hate them, but what they did to my daughters…that was unforgivable, and I wanted to see their blood spilled for it.

  The first injustice, of course, was how the Romans had ignored my husband’s last wishes. The land that he owned was to go to me, and my daughters. Ah, the Romans and their foolish notions of women being weak, of not being allowed to own land or lead their own lives after the husband has died. My daughters and I survived their brutality, despite what they thought.

  They should not have let me lived. While the flogging I received was painful, the only real pain I felt was when I heard the screams of my two daughters. My daughters, both so sweet and trusting. Those Roman soldiers had no right to them, and yet they took them. Raped them while I was tied to the flogging post, unable to do anything.

   Once the soldiers had left us, taking our land and money away from us, it was then that the anger inside me grew. It festered like an unattended wound and revenge was never far from my mind. The Roman soldiers, each and every one, were to blame. They took our lands. They took our children. They did what they pleased because none of us dared to strike back.

  Finally, I had had enough. Because my husband had been leader of our tribe, the Iceni, I led them in a revolt. We joined forces with several other tribes and destroyed some settlements. We attacked a legion and defeated them. Revenge tasted sweet and my people were willing to go further. What had started as a personal battle quickly turned into a full scale revolt my people against the Romans.

  We destroyed Londinium and continued on to other settlements. The Roman governor Suetonius fled before us, realizing he was too weak to stand against us. At least, he was until his new forces arrived and he prepared for battle.

  My people would have followed me to the ends of the earth. Anything I told them, they would have believed. With revenge comes a great sense of power, and I relished in it. For once, our oppressors had become the oppressed. We were finally going to rid our lands of the Romans, for once and for all.

  I do not think that I could have stopped the battle, even if I had wanted to. Even if I had refused to go into that last, fateful battle, my people would have continued on, drunk on the wine of promised victory. At the time, retreating simply did not make sense. Though the Romans had new forces and were ready to fight, we still outnumbered them.

  Perhaps the gods did not want the Romans to leave our lands yet. Perhaps it was not the right time. Perhaps the revenge in my heart had turned me into something awful, and I was being punished, and with me, the rest of my people who fought that day.

  There may not be an answer as to why we lost the battle. We fought well and I am so proud of my people. We were united, and for a time, it seemed we would win. I can still hear the battle cries, and can still feel the energy of everyone around me. That was a good battle and everyone fought well.

  Yet that was not enough. In the end, we were the ones who lost and everyone was killed, save myself. I lay there among the fallen bodies, recognizing friends and their families. My vision was blurring, from a head wound. I could hear the Roman soldiers getting closer now, to count the dead and kill anyone who still lived. Crawling away, like a snake, I made my escape to a nearby forest. Before I reached the trees, however, I saw two bodies that broke my heart.

  My two daughters died that day. With all the revenge in my heart, it had blinded my eyes from the real issue. I wanted to protect my daughters, reclaim their honor. But in the end, they too fell dead like the others, and now only I was left.

  I've lived alone in a forest cave ever since. Almost overnight, after that battle, my red hair turned grey. The revenge that had so long dwelled in my heart is now gone, leaving me empty inside. I hear the songs about me and shudder.

  Becoming a hero of my people was never my intent, and the older I become, the more I wonder at all of it. Yet…my people were brought together for a time. They nearly dispelled the Romans from our precious lands.

   If a hero I must be, then so be it. If me being called a hero gives the people hope, something to remember, then let me be called a hero. Let me inspire generations to come to be strong, to unite, and not sway under oppression. Only then will all of this have had any meaning.

Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Books Bought and Read

Here's my last post of the year. It's fun to see the high and low of my reading/buying. April is so low because that's when I had the play, and August is so high because it's at that point in the summer when there's really nothing to do.
I wish you all a very Happy New Year!  

January: 9 Read, 0 Bought

February: 11 Read, 15 Bought

March: 16 Read, 25 Bought

April: 4 Read, 0 Bought

May: 16 Read, 9 Bought

June: 8 Read, 9 Bought

July: 17 Read, 9 Bought

August: 33 Read, 13 Bought

September: 9 Read, 27 Bought

October: 13 Read, 9 Bought

November: 8 Read, 7 Bought

December: 24 Read, 21 Bought

Total Read: 168
Total Bought: 144

Books: December

Books Read:

-Sad Cypress
-Three
-BoneMan's Daughters
-Nevermore
-The Son of Neptune
-And then there were none
-Hood
-Nemesis
-The Legend of the Emerald Lady
-The Secret of the Stars
-The Unexpected Guest
-4.50 from Paddington
-Dreamdark: Blackbringer
-Fell
-The Bad Beginning
-The Wide Window
-The Miserable Mill
-The Austere Academy
-The Ersatz Elevator
-The Vile Village
-The Hostile Hospital
-The Mystery of Cabin Island
-The Secret of the Caves
-Hot under the Collar

Total: 24

Books Bought/Received:

-Dreamdark: Blackbringer
-The Legend of the Emerald Lady
-The Secret of the Stars
-And then there were none
-The Giver
-The Princess Bride
-The Final Warning
-The Secret of the Caves
-The Mystery of Cabin Island
--The Bad Beginning
-The Wide Window
-The Miserable Mill
-The Austere Academy
-The Ersatz Elevator
-The Vile Village
-The Hostile Hospital
-Villette
-The Moonstone
-Out of Canaan
-The Judas Tree
-Edgar Allen Poe Complete Works and Poems

Total: 21

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Character Drawing-Kalani

Here's a drawing of a character from a story I'm currently working on. Her name is Kalani  :)


Supper Time-The Distressing Ordeal

   Sometimes, I think adults forget how truly difficult life is when you're only five years old. Oh, sure, it's all fun and games, that is, until it's supper time...then begins the distressing ordeal.

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  I always ran to the table when it was supper time, so that I could eat and go back to my play time. About two minutes in, it already became apparent that while I could eat as quickly as a ravenous wolf, the rest of my family had become a herd of turtles, intent on eating as slowly as possible. After looking up from the remains of my meal, it was painfully obvious that play time would just have to wait.

  The adults really enjoyed their talking while they ate, but as a five year old, all I could think about was the toys that were calling out to me. They were begging, pleading that I return to them as quickly as possible. How could they understand that I was chained to my chair by the "we don't get up until everyone is done eating" rule? Would they think that I had abandoned them? The more these dreadful thoughts filled my mind, the more I wriggled in my chair, mentally urging my family to eat faster.

   Finally, my family was nearly done and I was ready to bolt from my chair. However, my mother finally looked at my plate and said, "Oh, you haven't touched your bean-spinach puree. You have to finish that before you can get up."

  Utter despair filled my heart. Tears began to well up in my eyes. "Mom, I'm too full."

She smiled and I felt hopeful. But then she said, "Well then, you can sit here until you're hungry again."

  I started to panic, seeing that everyone was going to get up soon. Glancing at the loathsome green mush, I wished that it would just grow legs and walk back to whatever vile place it had come from. This was just so unfair. I hadn't asked for this puree, so why should it keep me from my valuable play time?

  Desperately, I began to come up with ways of getting rid of the dreadful substance. I poked at it with my spoon, spreading it around the plate so that it looked eaten. Then I managed to "accidently" drop some on the floor. I put some in my mouth and then asked to go to the washroom, where I disposed of it in the toilet. Still, when I came back, there was a noticeable amount left on my plate and I had run out of ways to get rid of it.

  Everyone else was done and had started to leave the table, off to better things. I watched my older cousins leave to go play, and a longing pulled at my heart. They simply couldn't understand the torment I was going through.

  My mother began to clear the table and I started to plead with her. "Mom, I can't eat this. I'm allergic."

 She shook her head. "You're not."

  I tried a different tactic. "Well, it's not cooked enough. So I can't eat it."

  Looking at the puree, she sighed and said, "Yes, it is. Now hurry up and eat it so you can go play."

 She was about to leave and I knew that I had to take drastic measures. "Mom, if you let me not eat this, then I'll clean my room, I promise."

  My last hope left the room, not even dignifying my bribery attempt with an answer. I was lost.

  At this point, I wasn't poor five year old girl anymore, no, I was a captive princess who was an orphan and was being tortured in a dark dungeon by evil trolls who liked to make food out of snail vomit. They were forcing me to eat it because they knew it would make me fatally ill and I wouldn't live to see tomorrow.

  I had to stay strong! I would never give in! I would sit in that chair till the end of the world, if I had to, but there was no way I was going to eat the puree!

                                                                 *        *        *        *        *

  Two hours later, my resolve finally began to crumble. Not only was I hungry again, but I was also bored out of my mind. My imagination could only last for so long at a time.

  Feeling terribly noble, I picked up the spoon. Though in all likelihood this green stuff would kill me, I had to eat it, or die of boredom. Grabbing onto one last scrap of imagination, I became the brave princess who would suffer through this to save her people. Everything depended on me eating the bean-spinach puree and I would willingly suffer for my people.

  A few bites and then three cups of water later, I was done. I had come through the valley of darkness. As I got up from the table, legs wobbling a little bit, I thought I could hear a choir of angels singing. I had completed my trial and could now reap my reward of play time.

  As I put my plate in the sink, my mother came into the kitchen. "Oh good, you're finally done."

  I nodded proudly. She began to wash my plate. "Well, go brush your teeth and put your pajamas on. It's time for bed."

  Needless to say, that night, the orphaned princess had escaped from one dungeon, only to find herself in another one, left alone to plot her revenge.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Rescued Princess

 Retreating backwards into my world,
 with scraps of words and stories.
 Pure light enveloping me,
 a safe place of refuge.
 My own world of dreams,
 apart from the world outside.
 Pain can't reach the inside,
 a wall of fog is in place.

 A lost little marsh princess.
 Is there a prince on his horse,
 with a sword to cut the fog?
 A gentle hand reaching out,
 eyes soft, kindly inquiring.
 Long years of solitude affecting
 her looks and behaviour.
 Eyes wide, brought into the new world,
 amazed at the beauty surrounding.

 I am in the real world again,
 called back by love's sweet whispers.
 Hope and dreams can be combined,
 and the world is not so dark.
 Love will be our light, our hope
 and our rock through every storm.
 No more running away, dear heart.
 Time to face the world once more.